did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
