It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
