It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
