So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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