i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
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My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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