pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
