Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
