I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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