There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
