i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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