And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize