from now on my penis is your penis
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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