you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
