just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
