:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
