Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
