Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
