you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
