Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
