Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
