Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
