But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
