if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
