My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize