at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
