The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
