Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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