first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
