Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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