i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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