So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
