Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
