Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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