Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
