also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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