I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
