she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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