dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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