also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
whose parrot is this?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My dick has a subreddit
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
