your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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