I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
