Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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