even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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