My liver just broke up with me...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
