Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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