Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize