problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My vagina is officially offended.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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