im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
