They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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