We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
