1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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