I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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