I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
