my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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