Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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