so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
