if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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