i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
