Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
