Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
