im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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