You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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