I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I party with great urgency now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
