matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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