Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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