For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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