do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
