it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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