Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
