I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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