watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
