I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
