i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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