It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
