My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
