hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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