take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
