I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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