Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm both gender and math confused
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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