y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
