I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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