Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
