ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
