First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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