i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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